After some lovely weather throughout the week I really wanted to make the most of it throughout the weekend so was a little disappointed that Saturday was a full day of rain. We spent most of Saturday indoors and I also slept for a good few hours in the afternoon, so naturally the only opportunity I really had for photos this weekend was Sunday, whilst we were out for lunch with my mother-in-law.
Unfortunately the lunch was ever so slightly ruined by Riley being very defiant.
We had a peaceful 10 minutes where he was picking out sauces for his Dad and throwing them at him.
I’ve been feeling a bit down in the dumps this week. I’ve had a really tough time at work and I feel that it has been really affecting everything else. My work/life balance, my sleep, my eating, motivation etc have all gone kaput. Working from 8:30 am till at least 10pm, sometimes even midnight with a few hours rest to pick Riley up from nursery, cook the dinner and get him off to bed, means that my mind just isn’t switching off and I can’t stop thinking about work related nonsense. I can’t keep up with the housework, with parenting, with going to the gym. Something always has to give and I hate that I can’t give my all to everything, or even half of it. The more I was thinking about it this weekend I wondered, why should work come first?
Unfortunately, ever since accepting my promotion this seems to have been my life. Firefighting and struggling to keep on top of everything. I do feel that this job is nothing like what I expected and that it has been one career decision that I have actually regretted. I have a habit of making very bad decisions, usually due to me overthinking everything and being conflicted in knowing which the right decision to make even is anymore.
I have so many demands coming my way, for huge top business priorities to other smaller bits of work that also has to be done to allow the line of business to function. It is never-ending and I feel I have a mountain of work that I will never catch up on. Not even if I did have the right people to delegate to. I’ve been travelling for meetings a fair bit recently as well, which obviously doesn’t help with that drowning under workload, but certainly not helped when that comes in conjunction with bank holidays too.
Now the other side of this is of course home life. I’m struggling at work but deary me what a mess my house is in! When I work at night at home I’m lucky if I get a few minutes to do the dishes never mind clean the rest of the house. I do switch off at the weekends but last weekend I found myself sleeping it away from sheer exhaustion. I also spent last Sunday in discomfort in my arm where it felt like I was just about to get pins and needles all Saturday night and resulted in only 2 hours sleep. I ended up making a trip to out of hours, who didn’t have a clue what it was and sent me home.
Riley is another casualty of my work being so hectic. I’ve been travelling quite a lot recently which has resulted in Riley becoming very, very clingy towards me when I am home. Now as much as I love the cuddles and kisses, it gives me an extreme case of Mum guilt when I put him to bed and he says that he doesn’t want me to leave his side in case I’m not there the next morning.
Kevin says he pines after me at night, asking every time if Mummy will be there after bedtime. It breaks my heart to hear this. His behaviour is also awful after I’ve been away. It could be a coincidence but it really does seem to coincide with when I’m away.
I was recently approached by someone in another line of business who had been given my name as a recommendation as a good fit for their team. It was a bit out of the blue and not something I had been thinking about, but I had to turn the opportunity down as it would have involved weekly travel, which I am really kicking myself all the more now for that decision. A fresh start in a new role is probably what I need just now and I think something I probably will be looking into a bit more in the not so distant future.
But for now, I do think that stress is beginning to take its toll on me. My biggest worry is letting it go too far and reaching that point where my mental health takes a beating. I’ve been down that path before and I don’t ever want to go down there again. I had a rocky time since Riley’s birth and struggled with the crushing feeling of depression and anxiety for several years. I know the signs, and I know now that is not a place I ever want to go back to. I know that I need to start taking my work life back in control so tomorrow morning I am going to have to start my own prioritisation which is no doubt going to upset some people but my health is far too important to put work before it.
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth”
Our last few weeks have been very quiet on the photo front. Last week I took a total of 1 photo. This is very very unlike me and I put it down to the crazy hours at work recently.
I tried to make up for this at the weekend there, but again largely failed! I did however manage to get a few shots of him in the bath. Oh how grateful I am for the lighter nights so I can take photos in the bath again!
Riley loves a bath, and I mean absolutely love them! He gets one three times a week, (sometimes 4 depending on whether he has dove headfirst into something disgusting at nursery) but still asks for one every night.
I’ve been getting a bit bored of the old faithful Johnson’s bath stuff so decided to buy some of the Child Farm bath products and my goodness they didn’t disappoint. The smell! Oh it’s glorious! Riley even commented on it before he jumped in too. My full bathroom was filled with the lovely tangerine aroma long after the bath was drained.
Riley loves having his hair all spiked up or shaped into a mohawk in the bath at the moment. I have tried re-creating with hair gel outside of the bath but that has never gone particularly well!
My baby turned four this week! This age scares me. Its nearly time for school. My little boy is growing up far quicker than I care him too. I feel this is a constant thing I write about, how he continues to grow up too quickly, that he is becoming so much more aware of everything, but it terrifies me that time is flying, not just that riley is 4, but that I turn 28 this year too!
Theres a corner on our kitchen worktop that I always worried about when he was just learning to walk. I thought would be an issue when his head was up high enough to hit it. It is only this weekend I have noticed that he is now taller than it and I’m not quite sure how that happened.
Anyway, out of all his birthday presents, what do you think he was most excited about? The Imaginext sets he has begged for over a period of three months? The many lego sets he has been coveting every time we go into a toy store? No. A £3 bottle of bubble mixture was all it took to capture his delight! To be fair to him these were pretty good bubbles. It was quite windy at the weekend so the wand was perfectly shaped to just let the wind catch the mixture and blow bubbles everywhere.
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth”
The last few weeks have been a struggle with Riley’s behaviour yet again. We seem to go through periods of just awful attitude and right now its one of those periods.
I really struggle to understand what happens to my lovely little boy when we go through these patches as he just turns into a defiant little monster.
This picture was taken within a good few hours at the weekend thankfully!
We were out for lunch after his birthday party on Saturday to a chain restaurant. When we were shown to our table he told the waiter that it was his birthday and was animatedly chatting away to him telling him about his party, his batman cake and how he had “such a cool time.” He is such a wee chatterbox and will happily speak away to most people.
The waiter came back quickly after with a party bag for Riley’s birthday. It was such a lovely gesture, and the food was tasty so definitely some where we will go back to. Riley loved the bag and was excited to open
If there is one thing I am proud of despite his awful behaviour recently its how polite he is. He says his please and thank you’s without prompting and everyone always comments on how much of a lovely polite boy he is. At least I’m doing some of this parenting lark right!