I’ve celebrated mother’s day for the fourth time this year. It’s a day that always makes me reflect on the rollercoaster ride I’ve been on since becoming a mother, the exciting highs and the extreme emotional lows.

A small tiny loud thing had just been thrust into my arms, it was the moment I became mum. I couldn’t believe he was mine. My own little human to look after and love for the rest of my days. I didn’t feel that overwhelming feeling of attachment, I thought I would right away. In fact I still remember in amongst the happiness that labour was finally over (why did no one tell me it could last over a day? 36 hours to be exact!), I felt an all over empty and slightly helpless feeling. He was here now and I suddenly realised I had no idea what I was doing. I naively believed everyone that said “It all comes naturally the second your baby is placed in your arms!”

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What a load of crap. I kept waiting for weeks after having him for it to naturally come to me. That I would just recognise which cry was a hungry cry, which cry was a tired cry. I kept beating myself up over the fact I still didn’t know what I was doing and made myself feel like such a failure and unfit to look after my baby boy.

I realise now that society places an unfair expectation on new mums. To be that perfect mum the second your baby is born; that knows instantly how to feed your child, knows exactly how to change a nappy. Even these simple things I didn’t have a clue. I was too scared to hold him the right way to wind him. He seemed far too small and delicate.  As a first time mum I beat myself up on a daily basis that I couldn’t get him to latch, that I had to use a bottle, that I couldn’t stop his reflux, that I couldn’t stop his crying.

It’s the hardest, toughest job I’ve ever had. I’ve wanted to throw the towel in at times, which is so not like me, I am not a quitter! However, motherhood is the most difficult, yet rewarding job, the most joyous but unforgiving role.

If anything motherhood has made me appreciate my mum all the more. She has done this three times over! For every time I felt I was falling apart my mum had been through the same thing, felt the same things and made me feel happier and better each time, all the things which she had gone through before I can ever remember. All the hardship and troubles we caused her and yet we all still turned out ok.

He makes me laugh with his crazy sense of humour, brings tears to my eyes with his cuteness, and makes my heart fill up with love and pride and that is when I realise there is no other job I would rather have.IMG_0837

So to all you mothers out there, who may be beating yourself up over not being the “perfect mum.’ Who cares, so what? You may not fit that mould, but you are doing a great job!

Have a wonderful mothers day! X

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I have always been one of those people that never thinks a baby looks like its parents. Everyone told me when Riley was born that he looked so like Kevin, I looked at this little bundle of perfection and didn’t see it at all! He looked like a baby to me. They pretty much all look the same at that point, little teeny wrinkly humans!

Two months down the line when people said he was looking more like me, I again turned to them and said really?! All I could still see was a baby!

Nowadays, at almost 4 years old it’s a bit different. I still think he looks like his own little person but there are times when I look at him and I see myself, other times I look and he is the double of Kev.

Back just before Christmas we went out to lunch with some friends that questioned how on earth it was possible for him to be the double of both me and Kev at the same time. This made me laugh because most of the time it is only his dad I see in him!

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I was always a daddys girl when I was younger, I wanted to do everything with my dad. Riley is the opposite. He is very much a mummy’s boy. Nothing but mummy will do. I do take great delight in being his favourite, but sometimes it is exhausting. So whilst he is a mummy’s boy through and through he does still loves and needs his daddy. I think whilst with me it is a comfort thing needing me around, with his dad it’s a looking up to him type thing. He is Riley’s role model, he admires his dad and tends to copy most things he does; whether its walking with hands in his pockets, pretending to play Fifa along with him on playstation or pulling funny faces at each other. It’s so special to see the man you fell in love with become so important to the new little man you have fallen in love with. Their bond is so special and cute to watch.

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Its in the little moments where you can see the friendship that they have and hopefully will always have.